24


I promised you that second book review, and it didn’t happen, sorry… I’ve been away in London, and won’t be posting over the weekend because… it’s my birthday tomorrow! On Sunday my housemate Mel and I will be having a joint birthday celebration (hers being on the 13th) – going off to a donkey sanctuary, and having cake and festivities here in the evening. Busy busy, fun fun – see you on Monday!

One Valium or Two?

Now, I am neither a housewife in the 1980s nor a single woman in the 1990s, but I have recently been discovering what these predicaments are like – through fiction-based-on-fact and fact-based-on-fiction, respectively. Today I’ll talk about the housewife in the 1980s…

I picked up Diane Harpwood’s Tea & Tranquillisers: The Diary of a Happy Housewife (1981) in a charity shop for a pound. I was enticed by the cover, and the fact that it was published by Virago, into thinking that it might be a 1980s version of EM Delafield’s superlatively wonderful Diary of a Provincial Lady. In some ways it fits… Jane Bennett has been married for ten years, has two children, and is a housewife always watching the pennies. Where Delafield’s experience as a housewife was in this house in Devon…


…Diane Harpwood and her heroine are based in a small, rather depressing neighbourhood. Jane constantly fights with her husband David, despite also being rather smitten by him. She admires her friend Cathy for doing a correspondence course to get some A Levels (or perhaps O Levels, I forget) but is herself stuck in domestic drudgery. Here’s an illustrative excerpt:
Saturday 28th: I left home tonight, flew the nest, scarpered. I’d had E-nough, and enough they say is as good as a feast, or in my case a glut. So the atmosphere in the old homestead has been a trifle chilled tonight.

I’ve been on my feet since half-past six this morning and my bum has scarcely come into contact with a chair all day. I’ve been making beds, tidying up, changing sh*tty nappies, tidying up, washing sh*tty nappies, tidying up, preparing, cooking and clearing up after breakfast, lunch and tea, washing the kitchen floor which is permanently filthy with bits of petrifying food and assorted muck carried in on everyone’s shoes, except for today, when it was clean for a while.By now you’ll be getting the gist. Perhaps you’re nodding your head in thoughtful sympathy. Or perhaps, like me, you’re wishing she’d drowned herself in the sink at breakfast. The blurb describes Tea & Tranquillisers as ‘hilarious and heartbreaking’ and… well, it’s not. There were moments of pathos in amongst the whinging, but for the most part this book was utterly humourless. Just page after page of complaining about her lot. If you want a book about being a poor housewife (though a bit earlier) look at Our Spoons Came From Woolworths by Barbara Comyns. For an updated look at provincial motherhood, you can do no better than Provincial Daughter, by EM Delafield’s own daughter, RM Dashwood. But not this book… oh, that EM Delafield could have written it! Yes, her life was probably rather easier, at least on the manual labour front – but she turned a wry, self-deprecating eye upon her life and her dilemmas. There is a world between self-deprecating and self-pity.

And, lest you think I’m being all chauvinistic, this is not a feminist book by any stretch of the imagination. There are all sorts of household jobs and decisions that she can only envisage a man doing, and quite often you want to shake her and say “a woman is quite capable of a bit of DIY, you don’t have to wait for your husband to do it while you make the dinner!”

As you can see, I was quite frustrated by Tea & Tranquillisers… it wasn’t all bad, there were some quite touching moments, but on the whole I thought it was an ill-conceived, humourless whine. If you’ve read it, I’d love to hear your thoughts…

Tomorrow I’ll be writing about that single woman in the 1990s… and, just to give you a sneak preview, the book in question meets with rather more favour! Oh, and it’s not Bridget Jones’ Diary…

Pistache

I’ve never read a pastiche of Ivy Compton-Burnett, and I would like to, but I have a feeling that she might be one of those authors who’d defy spoofing. Her characters are so intentionally stylised and unnaturalistic, that a parody might appear only imitation. But the same cannot be said for those targeted in Sebastian Faulks’ witty collection Pistache [sic, if I may] which my lovely friend Lorna gave me for Christmas 2006. It’s been a while since I read it, but I do remember enjoying curling up with it on Boxing Day. Each pastiche is about a page and half long, and most began life on Radio Four’s The Write Stuff, though they have been edited and polished, apparently.

This is the perfect book for anybody who’s ever wondered what The Waste Land would look like as a limerick, how Emma would fare on an 18-30 party, or how AA Milne could be altered for this grittier age: Hush, hush, whisper who dare,
Christopher Robin has gone into care.As always, with this sort of thing, it only works when you’re familiar with the author being pastiched. Sections on Kingsley Amis, Martin Amis, Raymond Chandler etc. left me cold, because I’ve read nothing by them – but, for the most part, they’re authors you’re likely to know. Enid Blyton, Charles Dickens, Noel Coward, Oscar Wilde, Agatha Christie, Geoffrey Chaucer, PG Wodehouse… all the old staples, really. My two favourites were Dan Brown at a cash-point and Virginia Woolf at a hen-party. The mind boggles, doesn’t it? But I shall give you a taste, and type out the Dan Brown section (which is longer than most, actually). This is for everyone, like me, who wasted hours of their life reading The Da Vinci Code…

The world-renowned author stabbed his dagger-like debit card into the slot. ‘Welcome to NatWest,’ barked the blushing grey light of the screen to the forty-two-year-old man. He had only two thoughts.

NatWest is a perfect heptogram.

Scratching his aquiline head, frantically trying to remember a number, the sun came up at last and rained its orange beams on Dan Brown. ‘What do you want to do?’ asserted the blinking screen. His options were stark for Brown, more than ever now. ‘Get Mini Statement’. ‘Withdraw Cash’. ‘Change PIN.’ For what seemed an eternity, trying to remember his PIN, the screen mocked the famous writer.

Someone somewhere knows my four-figure PIN.

Whatever my PIN was once is still my PIN and in some remote safe someone somewhere still knows it.

In Paddington Station, an iconic railway terminal with a glass roof like the bastard offspring of a greenhouse and a railway station, a line of fellow travellers was waiting on Brown. Brown frowned down at his brown shoes and for the hundredth time that morning wondered what destiny may have in store for the Exeter, New Hampshire graduate.

The sandy-haired former plagiarism defendant felt his receding temples pounding in his guts. Four figures. Four figures, you halfwit, he almost found himself murmuring in Brown’s ear, close at hand.

Tentatively his fingers pounded their remorseless melody upon the NatWest keyboard, numerically. He watched his fingers work with sallow eyes.

He type in anything, literally anything, desperately. He didn’t know what affect it may have.

The headquarters of the Royal Bank of Scotland resides in a hydraulically sealed ninety-eight-storey building guarded by hair-trigger sensitive nuclear firedogs at 4918, 275th Street in Manhattan, America, whose security protocol is known to only six elves whose tongues have been cut out for security by the Cyrenian Knights of Albania, the capital of Greece.

In an instant, the famous writer remembered their bleeding skin from barbed wire.

Of course. They must pass on the secret PIN. An unbroken chain whose links are not forged (not in that sense).

9 . . . 8 . . . 7 . . .6. His fingers pronounced the Sigma number. The Sigma number was almost impossible to fake, whereby the Liberace Sequence was quite easy to forge for prominent author Dan Brown.

The cash machine cleared its throat and breathed in with a rasping exhalation that seemed to shake its very belly. Then finally it expectorated wheezily up twenty-eight million dollars into the fingers pregnant with expectation of the forty-two-year-old man.

‘Take you cash now please,’ pleaded the mocking screen, no longer mocking.

It’s like giving candy to a baby, it occurred to the universe-celebrated prose stylist.

It’s like shelling eggs.

Sprawling Ivy

I don’t know how many people managed to join in a group read of Manservant and Maidservant, what with the appalling scarcity of copies, and the fact that (in my case, at least) good intentions rarely make the tbr pile any shorter – but it’s November now, and so I’m going to begin talking about the novel. If you have managed to read it, and post about it, please let me know, and I’ll include links in this post – and shout about them in later posts too. Or, indeed, if you had a go and hated it, didn’t get beyond page 2, I want to hear from you too! And if you’ve been reading and don’t have a blog, or don’t fancy posting it on your blog for whatever reason, I’d be more than happy to put your thoughts up on Stuck-in-a-Book.

Right! Let’s get started. Manservant and Maidservant was published in 1947, bang in the middle of Dame Ivy’s writing career, which spanned from Pastors and Masters (1925) to her death in 1969. She did write a novel in 1911, Dolores, but later disowned it – and all of her other nineteen novels are, I believe, more or less the same. (Having said that, whenever she was asked which were her favourites of her own novels, she’d mention A House and its Head and Manservant and Maidservant.) The plots may differ slightly, but the scenarios don’t seem to, nor does her distinctive approach to writing. In Manservant and Maidservant, like so many of her books, there is an enormous family living in an old house, squabbling and calmly interrogating one another. In fact, what I wrote in my review of Parents and Children still stands: Life-changing events are encompassed by lengthy, facetious discussions – gently vicious and cruelly precise, always picking up on the things said by others. Calmness permeates even the most emotional responses, and ICB’s writing is always astonishing in its use of dialogue. More or less all of it is dialogue, and though often sophistry, it is somehow also accurate about family dynamics. Gosh, quoting myself, isn’t that self-indulgent? But it’s true – blink-and-you’ll-miss-it events of enormity will be mentioned in amongst pages of discussing the lighting of a fire, or whether or not the children are entitled to Christmas stockings. Centre of the family is Horace, father and employer – his wife is mysteriously absent from proceedings, though his cousin and aunt are present. He is strict, decisive, given to posing rhetorical questions – and as the novel develops, hints are given of a cruel nature which has only recently subsided. His relationship with his children is uneasy, and you get the sense that they are unsure of his character, and what he will do next. He, of course, does not see things in the same manner: “This room is never damp. It could not be in its situation,” said Horace, who saw in his family house the perfection he had not found in his family. As the title suggests, the world below stairs is as important as that above. Bullivant, the butler, sees both worlds – Mrs. Selden the Cook, George and Miriam slightly further down the hierarchy. I loved the scenes in the servants’ quarters – the dynamics of those thrown together into a strange home/non-home. I especially liked Cook, unnervingly eloquent (how many servants would say “That was quite a superfluous injunction” ?) and with a firm sense of keeping people in their place.
“I could feel to you as to a mother, Mrs. Selden,” said George, on an impulse.
“Then behave to me as a son and hand me those forks,” said Cook, regarding this as the right way to meet excess of feeling.In fact, keeping people in their place, within a strict hierarchy, is of far greater significance below stairs than above – though it is not ignored there, and in vain does Horace try and teach his children the pitfalls of ‘fairness’. But the manservant and maidservant, et al, provided most of my favourite quotations. For example: “Do you take your tea strong or the reverse, Miss Buchanan?”

“Neither one nor the other,” said the guest, using her rather loud voice for the first time.

“That is my own preference,” said Bullivant.

“My bias is also towards the mean,” said Cook, with her eyes on the teapot. “I am not in favour of excess in any direction.”

“How do the young people like it?” said Miss Buchanan, both her utterance and its nature coming as a surprise.

“I am conversant with their preferences,” said Cook, with nothing in her tone to indicate that she would be influenced by these.and: “It was a bad hour for George, when he told the truth about himself,” said Mortimer. “It was sad to see him thinking that honesty was the best policy.”This is fairly indicative of Ivy Compton-Burnett’s style – warped epigrams; small authorial comment casting a cynical eye upon convoluted conversations. I don’t think anybody could call her dialogue naturalistic, but it does put across people’s characters surprisingly well. And there is such a sense of claustrophobia – people always watching, listening, correcting and analysing.

It’s impossible to skim-read Manservant and Maidservant, or even, I found, to read it quickly. Though not a long book, it took me a long time to read it – the prose is so rich, so ponderous and dense, that I’m forced to settle back and let the characters talk at their own pace. And, once I do that, I love it. I love the long discussions which spiral round and don’t seem to achieve anything, because they are so well crafted – each sentence carefully honed, each inflection deliberate. I love the involved ways in which people rebuke each other or put them down. I couldn’t read two Compton-Burnett novels next to each other, perhaps, but I do need to know that some are waiting on the shelf.

But, of course, the point of a group read is to find out what you all thought… and I can’t wait. Let me know! And, if you haven’t managed to join in this time, perhaps this post will have inspired you to consider ICB next time you spot her in a secondhand bookshop. Or, indeed, in Hesperus’ new reprint of Pastors and Masters. For my money, she is one of the twentieth-century’s greatest and most important writers – but let’s see what everyone else says…

 

I’m Dreaming of a Grey Christmas…

I know it’s still October, and it feels too early to be talking about Christmas, but I had to tell you about the Persephone Secret Santa which Book Psmith is organising. Instead of typing out all the information here, I’m going to put a link to Book Psmith’s post instead. Here it is, click here please. There you are, don’t say I never give you anything. The general idea is a Persephone Books give-around, which I did with a group of friends earlier in the month too, receiving Hostages to Fortune by Elizabeth Cambridge – one of my favourite Persephones, but one I’d had from the library originally. For Book Psmith’s Secret Santa you’re *supposed* to send a list of the Persephones you already have… but I realised, discounting the 56 I already have, and all the cookbooks and gardening books and others that I don’t particularly want, there are only a handful waiting to appear on my shelves. So I just sent an email about those instead…

I’ve spent today reading books with titles like Outside Modernism and Challening Modernism, and even Virginia Woolf, the Intellectual & the Public Sphere. So it’ll be nice to spend the remainder of my evening curled up with a Richmal Crompton novel.

And, in territory far away from S-i-a-B norm, has anybody else seen the TV show Gavin and Stacey? Comedy or drama or dramedy, it’s sometimes ‘a bit near the knuckle’, but it’s also very funny and very, very sweet. My brother lent it to me months ago, and I only got around to watching it yesterday… and now I’ve seen five episodes. Out of a series of six. Always the way, but I’m sure I’ll find something else to get addicted to soon…

Wordle

I saw this Wordle thingummy at Books Please, and it looked fun – and indeed it is! You can type in a blog address, or just paste in some text, and then customise further what arrives… This is what happened when I put my blog address in…


Have a go at making your own at Wordle.net! No real point to them, but fun, I think you’ll agree?

So Many Books

I know I’ve read Simon Savidge’s post on Gabriel Zaid’s So Many Books, because I commented on it, but when I saw the book in a local charity shop, I came upon as a new friend. Just goes to show – there must be hundreds of blog posts out there that I’ve written “Oh, I must keep an eye out for this!” – and I always mean it – but somehow the book slips from my mind. What I *did* note was that a) it was called So Many Books, and thus was likely to be my sort of book, and b) it was published by Sort of Books, the wonderful people behind the Tove Jansson translations. And so I bought it…

Like Simon S, I wasn’t expecting quite what I got – I was in HEiotL-withdrawal mode, and was hoping Zaid had written something about his own book collection, and his relationship with it. What he *has* written is actually much more about books as commodities. I suppose this has the bonus that it can’t deter anybody with unheard-of tastes and obscure favourites, but equally So Many Books can’t rouse my love and affection much.

You can Simon S’s thoughts, best bet, because he sums up so well the topics covered in Zaid’s book. Zaid looks at the production of books – how people are reached, cost differentials, how it works as a commodity in the marketplace. He compares the book to speech, and wonders how a conversation can be had. He approaches the topics of electronic reader, public library, and ancient manuscript with the same investigative mind, facts falling out of his head onto the page, always keeping his love of reading peeping over the parapet of economics and functionality. And there are occasionally nice little phrases: And how many college classes are no more than the tortuous reading of a text over the course of a year? Is anything more certain to make a book completely unintelligble than reading it slowly enough? It’s like examining a mural from two centimetres away and scanning it at a rate of ten square centimetres every third day for a year, like a short-sighted slug.Well, quite. The point Zaid returns to again and again is, in fact, the title – so many books. If no books were ever published again, it would take me 250,000 years to read all the ones already published. Even reading a list of the titles and authors would take fifteen years. He comes back to this point throughout the book, it seems to haunt his life. But not with the wry smile I expect of a bibliophile, as they cheerfully take Pride and Prejudice off the shelf to read again, but with some sort of panic that he can’t get everything into his mind at the same time… it was a bit off-putting, to be honest.

And that sums up my lack of enthusiasm for So Many Books as a whole, actually. If all these topics I’ve touched on fill you with interest, then this might be the book for you – but I must confess, I found it a little dull. I don’t think of books as commodities – I think of them as acquaintances and friends. I love the sort of bookish book which feels the same. And this wasn’t it… So, a word of warning – before you spot the title and buy this for all your bibliophile friends, check first to see if they’re the sort of person who also thrives on facts, figures, and ref. fig. 1-ing. If not, perhaps I can recommend Susan Hill’s Howards End is on the Landing…

Just what the doctor ordered

I’m am back in the land of the living! Sorry to abandon you for so long – I did mean to at least put up some photographs, but post-flu exhaustion left me feeling more or less dead in the evenings, which is when I usually do my blogging. But now I am fighting fit (relatively speaking) with only an annoying cough which seems disinclined to go away.


As I mentioned in the previous post, any sign of illness and I stop being able to read. Hugely irksome, as you can imagine. But I did manage to read one book last week – the font was sufficiently big, and the story adequately undemanding, while yet being rather wonderful – it was Joyce Dennys’ Repeated Doses. As the title suggests, it is not the first in the series. And, using my last months of spontaneous book-buying, I scurried away to buy Mrs. Dose the Doctor’s Wife and The Over-Dose. These are, respectively, the first and third books in the series, published between 1930 and 1933.


I say series. These books are divided into various sections – not really short stories, but more like episodes in various lives. Like Henrietta in Joyce Dennys’ now much-beloved Henrietta’s War (wrote about it here), and Dennys herself, all the heroines are doctors’ wives. Or rather, all the stories are about doctors and their families – usually with an instrumental wife. Though they all have different names, they have a shared characteristic running through (I believe) all three books – that of ‘false nosery’, in Dennys’ words. Let me explain, by quoting the first book:

All Doctors’ Wives wear False Noses. This fact is not generally known, except to Doctors and their Wives themselves. Even their children hardly ever realize, until they grow up and possibly become Doctors or Doctors’ Wives, that their mother went through her married life with a False Nose firmly fixed to her face. There have been cases when even the Doctor himself has forgotten that the Nose he sees as breakfast is not the Nose he wooed. But these are exceptional cases, for Doctors are, as a rule, discerning and disillusioned people.

A Doctor’s Wife must wear a False Nose to disguise herself, and thus persuade her husband’s patients, and even more, the people who are not her husband’s patients, but who might be, that she is like Caesar’s Wife, above suspicion.

She must, if possible, however dark her thoughts and evil her intentions, persuade people that she is a model of wifely devotion, motherly love and womanly yearnings.
If she meets the Vicar being carried in at her front door with his throat cut, as she goes out to a Bridge party, she must not divulge this spicy bit of gossip to her friends, and if during the afternoon somebody comes rushing in to say that the Vicar has been hanged, she is denied the exquisite pleasure of saying, and it is at such times that the False Nose hangs most heavy, “Excuse me, but his throat was cut, I saw it; your deal, I think.”

And so it goes. These are stories about the diplomacy of doctors’ wives, the peculiarities of the medical profession, and the length to which the wives will go to secure patients for their husbands. (That sounds more macabre than I intended…) In many ways, I think being in a doctor’s family must be quite similar to being in a vicar’s family – certainly in terms of diplomacy, presenting the Public Face of the Profession, and keeping schtum on all sorts of topics.

Dennys’ stories in Repeated Doses exaggerate a bit – a woman seeking treatment for a wart ends up in a Rest Home; a name mix up causes an international incident; baskets of fruit become the front line for deceit and intrigue. All great fun.


And, which is half the pleasure with Dennys’ books, they are illustrated by Dennys too. I’ve scattered some of those illustrations throughout this post, and they might prove irresistible to you… They make a lovely set of books – really thick, chunky books, with thick paper, and a feel of luxury quite unexpected for the early-thirties. Obviously they got printed just before printers started economising… I’m so grateful to have heard of Joyce Dennys, and these are real treats to enjoy, return to, and treasure.

Casting pearls before…

I’m afraid I’ve had swine flu. Or at least flu of some variety, but since it’s passing more quickly than normal flu, the consensus is that it’s of the swine persuasion. So posts might not be forthcoming for a bit – I feel a lot better than I did yesterday (I was only awake for a few scattered hours throughout the day) but my brain resists doing much thinking. And, annoyingly, I don’t seem able to read books… always the way when I get ill: hours in bed, and not able to use the time to lessen the tbr pile. Doh.

But this post is more to explain my absence (or at least the absence of any particularly well-thought-out posts for a bit) than for sympathy, so I shall leave you with a picture from my trip to the Lake District and Edinburgh… more of these soon, I think my brain’s up to that. This is from Grasmere, home of Wordsworth and my friend Phoebe.

24: The Challenge


The effects of Howards End is on the Landing continue apace… For the past couple years I’ve been on a book buying ban during Lent. I have hundreds of unread books, a limited budget, and love of a challenge… and so I’m rolling out a year-long restriction.

Restriction, not ban, I hasten to add. I toyed with a ban on book buying, but realised that going cold turkey would send me smashing the windows of Waterstones at 3am on January 3rd, grabbing handfuls of books, and collapsing in tears.

Or something like that.

So, instead, I thought I’d buy 24 books next year. Two a month. If I’m good one month, I can get more the next – on the other hand, if I go on a book-buying splurge, then I’ll have to stay away from bookshops for a few weeks.

Let’s put this into perspective. Two books a month coming into the house is probably rather more than your average person buys – but I would be surprised if I’ve bought fewer than 240 this year. I’m decimating my book buying, and then only keeping the bit that I’ve got rid of…

I should give you an idea of the response my friends have had to this, on Facebook and my online reading group:

‘GOOD LUCK, Simon! I wonder how many days you’ll last? ;-)”Is that IN 2010 or AT 20:10? I think the latter is more likely.’
‘Hilarious. I’ll watch and laugh.’
‘I simply could not possibly do this. And I seriously wonder if you can.”Madness!”WOW. I look forward to seeing how this pans out…..”I’m still speechless at Simon’s decision to curtail book-buying, and if the resolution were made by anyone less sincere, I would suspect a Publicity Stunt! I can hardly imagine not buying books when you live in *England,* the *home* of books'(and perhaps my favourite…) ‘what evs!’So you can see the faith my friends have in me. But I quote them in amusement, and shan’t be insulted – far from it – if you happen to agree with them. I should add, to be just, that I’m not going to stop getting review copies, so more than 24 books will enter the house…

I think it’ll lend a nice slant to the blog – as I unveil each of my acquisitions over the year, and at the end of the year can see which twenty-four made the grade… unless, of course, my friends are right and I crack mid-March…